Last week I played a couple of gigs. One was successful, the other wasn’t….or at least that’s what I told myself.
The first..
Three Wise Monkeys Colchester was the setting. Armoured Man were the headliner. I was included at the last minute. The audience was noisy. My anxiety was high.
The second..
Hey Joe Records in Brentwood. An afternoon showcase. A relaxed atmosphere. Attentive audience. Low anxiety.
The first..bad?
The second..good?
That’s what I thought. When I was asked if I enjoyed myself at TWM I said ‘No’. I explained that my anxiety was so high that I struggled to relax into it (I had a lot of difficulty speaking on stage and my ability to look out into the crowd was worse than usual).
With hindsight I have been able to reframe my opinion on the night and now feel very positive about it.
I spoke to my counsellor about this last night and she helped to give me a different perspective. I am prone to focus on the negative and realistically there were a lot more positives overall. Many people told me how much they enjoyed my set. Including one man telling me my voice is delicious. Yum yum! (I can’t believe I just wrote that!)
Also, if I look back at the set there is a lot to be proud of. I actually played pretty well despite the anxiety. While the audience was pretty noisy there were certainly a lot of people paying attention. For my last song the crowd were almost silent. Granted this was because AJ had blown a whistle and told people to shut up, but it gave me the opportunity to explain the story behind More Human and my struggle with depression. Throughout the song people listened and when I finished there was a huge round of applause. It felt like a good end.
The second gig was an in-store show at Hey Joe Records in Brentwood. A really lovely record store/coffee shop owned by Marc and Sarah, who made me feel incredibly welcome. I played from 3-4 pm and a local band called Mint played from 4-5 pm. The crowd were incredibly attentive and, with the exception of forgetting half of one of my new songs, I played well.
I had a few people tell me how much they enjoyed my set, and even sold some merch! I also really enjoyed watching Mint, a young, up and coming band from Brentwood. The lead singer has a cracking voice and their original music showed experience beyond their years.
My instant reaction to these gigs was that the TWM’s one was a failure and Hey Joe was a success. This simply isn’t true. They were both successful but for different reasons. And that is ok. They were very different gigs.
At this point in my career I have played all sorts of gigs and I often find the club gigs more stressful. That doesn’t mean they don’t have their benefits. I’ve found that a lot of them have boosted my confidence and it seems that it has bought me to a point where I am willing to accept that others opinions on my performances can outweigh my own negative point of view.
I have a a few more gigs this year and a couple of amazing gigs booked for next year which I cannot announce yet. Plus I am always looking to book more interesting places. Onwards and upwards.
Thanks for reading.
Take care of yourself.
Create more, worry less.
Dan
Photo taken by James Martin (@jamesambroz on Instagram)