On Thursday 03rd February I played a gig at Three Wise Monkeys in Colchester. It was an emotional night.
Absolutely the most nervous I have ever been before playing. It reminded me of an acoustic gig I played back in 2005 with my old band, 'The Moth Patrol'. I played one song solo and proceeded to have a panic attack afterwards.
I started off with a song I have played many many times but haven't played in earnest for a little while. I managed to fumble pretty quickly, a few unimpressed faces in the crowd, I definitely didn't feel like I started with my best foot forward!
A polite applause was heard, a friend mentioning to me later in the evening that they heard some of the young members of the crowd taking the piss.
My second track, Next Year has been played at pretty much every performance since it was written. I am much more comfortable with this song and it showed. I began to relax a little and the crowd response was better.
it wasn’t until my 3rd track that I really relaxed into the performance and I think the audience picked up on that. The reaction was stronger and I started to notice more people paying attention.
From what I was told, it was around this time that the people in the crowd taking the piss started to change their tune and got behind me. I’m well aware that what I do is not for everyone but that was nice to hear.
A lot of my songs are quite emotional to play and I definitely started to feel it. I’m well aware that I was pushing myself much more than I normally would and even surprised myself with the way my voice sounded at times (In a good way). By time I got to my last song, More Human, I felt comfortable enough to talk about my mental health struggles. This combined with the content of the song meant that I was holding back tears when playing. Halfway through the song I lost my glasses as they flew through the air following a few energetic movements. The response when I finished was overwhelming.
Coming off stage I felt pretty worked up. Returning to my friends I was in my own little world. I often take a few minutes to recover after playing More Human but this time the emotions got the best of me and I burst into tears. A few minutes later I heard “It is him” “Oh my god it’s Daniel Stephen Turner” and a young guy and his friend came over to say hi. Apparently while I was playing he had shouted out asking for my hand in marriage. According to them I had said yes, although I’m not sure I remember this haha. It was nice to interact with people who had enjoyed my music.
A few minutes later a guy came over to say how much he had enjoyed my set and that he would be checking out my music online. Once they had walked away I burst into tears again. I have never had the most self confidence but I have definitely felt it increase over the last couple of years. It’s clear from how hard it was for me to take these compliments that I still have sone work to do. I know that objectively I am OK at what I do but my brain still refuses to allow me to accept that sometimes.
Despite the emotional rollercoaster that was my performance and the aftermath the night as a whole was incredible and I learnt a lot about myself. (Also learnt that I need to put a guitar lead in my case for performances like this!)
Finding my creativity and voice with music is, without a doubt, the best thing I have ever done for myself and the one thing that I absolutely will ensure that I continue regardless of where my life takes me.
Much love!
Dan