Hey all! It's been a while.
I had every intention of posting more regularly but life has a knack of getting in the way.
The last few weeks my mental health has been pretty poor and it has largely been down to the fact that physically I have not been well. As well as generally feeling run down and tired my back has been playing up. This comes from an injury when I was at school which will flare up from time to time.
When it initially went I found myself laying on the sofa with my legs up in the air as they only way I could get comfortable. In order to get up I had to roll off the sofa onto the floor and then push myself up. If I tried to get up as normal I would yell in pain.
Thankfully I am on the mend but I am still pretty uncomfortable the majority of the time.
It has amazed me just how poor my mental health has been as a result of this. Of course, it makes sense but its something that I may not been quite so aware of in the past. My energy levels have been through the floor and motivation has been incredibly hard to find. The biggest frustration for me has been the impact it has on doing this things that keep me going. Playing live has been tough and I have found myself avoiding many of the open mics I would usually attend which in turn reduces social interaction.
Household chores have felt impossible at times with washing up often piling up, becoming an almost insurmountable task. Then the frustration creeps in and keeps the cycle going. You try to tell yourself that it is OK, that you need the rest. I have never been good at going easy on myself and while I have learnt to be a bit kinder I still have a way to go!
The other thing that has been impacted is my volunteering. I really don't like the fact that I have been a let down. While they have been understanding I still keep beating myself up about it. People tell me not to. If only I could actually take their advice! I tell myself not to as well but it doesn't seem to sink in. Apparently 'repetition legitimises' so ill keep ploughing on.
Prior to my back playing up my mental health had been in the best place it has been in many years. I was starting to appreciate what I have and gradually finding some peace. That's not say that this has disappeared entirely but it seems to be on the backburner for the moment.
I will keep pushing forward and hoping that my back and my mental health will improve shortly.
I am excited for 2022 in many ways and I am trying to remember this too shall pass. Tomorrow is another day.
If you haven't seen it already make sure you check out Fraser Morgan's 'Lets talk about it'. A gathering for men of all ages to talk about mental health. This is taking place at Best Days Vintage in Colchester town centre on Sunday 12/12/2021.
Lastly, go listen to the song 'Old Friends' by Pinegrove. Pay particular attention to the lyrics: 'I should call my parents when I think of them. Should tell my friends when I love them'
Much love
Dan X