Re-introduction
Hey, how's it going?
I've made yet another change to the site. The blog is now simply called MNTL HLTH (Mental Health). It's an idea I had a while back but hadn't taken any action on until now. I have also streamlined the look of the site a little. The text that was previously on the frontpage is now below.
'Talking about my mental health struggles is something that is very important to me.
I am tired of feeling alone, feeling like I’m broken. I have started this blog as a way to talk about my mental health and how I am dealing (or not) with it.
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I am hopeful that in some way shape or form this will be helpful to people. Be it getting some insight into the struggles of an Anxiety and Depression sufferer or having somebody to relate to.'
For anyone who is reading for the first time or doesn't know me, my name is Dan. I am a singer/songwriter and photographer from Colchester in the UK. I make music under Daniel Stephen Turner. I started this blog back in March 2020 as an outlet for my frustrations around my mental health struggles and as a way to share my experiences so that others might take something from it. In my older posts I talk about subjects such as loneliness, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. No doubt I will re-visit these themes again in the future. In fact, it was only a week or so ago I found myself back at a point where I felt that I would be better off dead. Thankfully I have learnt that I have value and my brain sometimes lies to me and I was able to ride it out.
Below I will talk about some of the things I have been up to.
Update
Live music
As restrictions have slowly lifted life has been getting busier (by my standards anyway). I have been out and about a lot more, mainly at gigs, either playing or taking photographs. I've already played 4 times in September and have more booked. I only managed 4 in total in Aug so its definitely building!
In Aug I had a week where I was out 5 days out of 7. Starting with The Hot Box in Chelmsford where I was taking photos of Snow in Slow Motion and Walking Through Walls (https://flic.kr/s/aHsmWpasQt)
The next day I was at CODA watching the incredible PET NEEDS, followed by the Acoustic Showcase on Saturday afternoon, and the Open Mic on the Sunday.
On Monday I took a rest before heading back to CODA on the Tuesday to watch FRANK TURNER!!! What an incredible opportunity. For those who don't know, Frank has played the O2 Arena in London before so this was an incredibly small show for him. Only 150 tickets. I was right at the front the whole time and loved every minute of it!
I have received an invite to go back to The Hot Box in Sep to take photos at another event. Along with this I also appeared on CCR Transmission (Chelmsford Community Radio) where I played 3 songs and had a chat with the host, Paul Dupree. You can hear that here: https://www.mixcloud.com/pauldupree94/transmission-w-paul-dupree-guests-dan-turner-rhys-timson-billy-hunt-25821-ccr-1044fm/
If you have an interest in my music please do follow me, my social media links are above and I am also on Bandcamp here:
CBT
I mentioned a while back that I was due to start CBT, I am now halfway through this and after a lot of toing and froing we are now concentrating on my procrastination as that should help me to achieve other things like a better sleep pattern and being more organised. We had initially said that we would focus on generalised anxiety but then I had a period of a couple of weeks where I felt the best I have in years and nothing seemed to get on top of me. Unfortunately that came to an end and I was up and down like a yo yo before levelling out at general malaise. I felt very mixed up and unsure of everything. It took a couple of weeks of chatting to figure out where to go.
I hope to continue making progress and learning more about how to deal with life's problems as the weeks go on.
Volunteering
On the 3rd September I completed my first shift at 'Firstsite' (An art gallery here in Colchester), working as a volunteer Gallery Assistant, welcoming people to the building and assisting with general questions. I have committed to once a week at the moment but will look to build up shifts as I go. I also have the opportunity to work as an Usher for the inhouse cinema which I will be doing on the 15th.
This is just another step in getting back to a 'normal' life. Figuring out what I want to do and what kind of work is going to keep me engaged and not send me back down the dark hole I have been in for far too long.
I am hopeful I can find a good balance.
Overview
More and more I am learning that in order to have the good times you have to work through the hard times and it can be possible to take something from those hard times rather than just viewing them as something negative that needs to be avoided.
I have spent soooo much time in avoidance mode, especially with the lockdown adding too it. It is nice to start fighting my demons even though it is incredibly difficult at times.
I have met some amazing and supportive people through everything I have been doing and the social aspect has definitely been the most important thing. I've been so alone for so long and almost want to force myself to push it too far so I get sick of people again! HA.
As always I hope everyone is keeping well. If you're not, just know, this too shall pass.
Take care
Much Love X
Dan